Watching You Sleep

I wish you knew how you kept me up late at night, making me wonder and worry about you. It's a wonder you don't wake up and notice, since I'm laying next to you in bed. I still laugh when I think of it that way, forgetting that that's how it's always been. You're my best friend and it was never weird.. until we started losing our innocence.

I know this sounds odd, but I'm watching you sleep. I'm watching your chest rise and fall with each breath you take, listening to the soft hum of your would-be snoring..
I'm jealous of you, the way you can delve into a darkness, an escape from this real world, for just a few hours. I'd be luck to steal back a few seconds.
You're beautiful, you know that?
It's something I've always admired about you, something I've always envied. How could someone as handsome as you bother wasting your life away with me?

But that's right..-sighs- You're not wasting away with me. You're not here, noticing what you're doing to me. You're off somewhere else with someone else.. And I'm happy for the two of you, I guess. But still it doesn't help a breaking heart at all.

-brushes the hair away from your face- I love you, you know that? You're all I could ask for, all I could hope for, all I could dream for..

And it just so happens that you're all that I got. My faery godmother must be listening, my angels must be following through, I must've found the end of some rainbow.. Or maybe God just saw that I needed you.

Whatever the case, you're here with me now. But to be honest, you're off far away..
I'm not jealous.. am I? No, I can't lie.. I'm jealous as hell and I'm ready to cry.
I love you more than anything that this universe could behold. Why can't I be your princess? Why can't I be the one you have tied with your arms?

This is where the hate comes in, the hate towards you, to me, to her..
No, I could never hate her. She made the mistake that almost everyone makes- she fell in love with you.

But the funny thing about this mistake was the fact that you mended it up for her. Unlike all the other little innocent girls who got their hearts snapped in two, you decided to fall in love back.

I'm dying on the inside, you know, I'm good at hiding my fears. I'm good at keeping everything under control. If something goes wrong, of course I'd be thrilled. But my heart'd bust in two from the guilt.  I

-strokes your cheek, sighing softly- Is it wrong to be living like this? Hoping that one day maybe you'll change your mind? That maybe one day, you'll hold me instead of her?

It's not like I haven't had chances before... It just turned out that I'm so darned sweet and can't bare to break another girl's heart.